I Love You. I Am Listening: How to Practise Self-Love.

The quiet practice of turning towards yourself

There are words we so freely give to others, yet rarely think to offer ourselves:

I love you.

I am listening.

When was the last time you closed your eyes, placed your hand on your heart and said those words to yourself?

Not as an affirmation to rush through.

Not as something you think you should say.

But slowly. Gently. With the intention of truly hearing yourself.

I love you. I am listening.

Notice what happens inside you.

Perhaps there is a softening.

Perhaps emotion rises.

Perhaps there is discomfort.

Or perhaps, for a moment, something inside you simply becomes quiet.

Learning to Turn Towards Yourself

I remember one of the first times I experienced self-love in this way.

I had simply turned towards myself with tenderness, and before I fully understood what was happening, I felt tears running down my cheeks.

I hadn’t consciously decided to cry. They just came.

Almost instinctively, I wrapped my arms around myself and began gently rocking and soothing myself.

There was something exceptionally tender about that moment. But there was sadness too, because I suddenly realised how long I had been there for everyone else while neglecting this part of myself.

It was as though something inside of me had finally been seen.

And perhaps that is why the moment moved me so deeply. I wasn’t looking outside myself for comfort. For once, I was giving myself the tenderness, reassurance and love I had so readily given to others.

I was finally turning towards me.

Stay here for a moment.

Because beneath the roles you play, the responsibilities you carry, the expectations you fulfil and the version of yourself you present to the world, there is another part of you.

The quieter self.

The self that existed before all the labels and stories about who you should be.

The part of you that does not need to prove, perform or become anything to be worthy of love.

And sometimes we become so busy living, that we lose our connection with her.

We spend our hours caring for others, solving problems, meeting responsibilities, achieving, supporting, giving and doing.

Yet how often do we turn towards ourselves and ask:

What do I need?

What am I feeling?

What have I not been listening to?

Perhaps this is where learning to practise self-love begins: not by becoming someone different, but by learning to listen to the person who is already there.

The Love We Seek From Others

So much of what we long to receive from others is something we have forgotten how to give ourselves.

We want someone to reassure us.

Choose us.

Understand us.

See us.

Love us.

Make us feel enough.

There is nothing wrong with wanting love from others. Human relationships are beautiful and necessary. We are not meant to live without it. But in all the love that we give and seek from others, we are meant to love ourselves too.

Another person’s love was never meant to replace our own.

When we rely entirely on someone else to fill the empty places within us, their love carries an impossible responsibility.

Tell me I am enough.

Make me feel whole.

Take away what hurts.

And when they cannot, because no human being can do that completely, we may experience their limitations as rejection.

But perhaps the deeper invitation is to return to ourselves.

To stop abandoning the very heart we are asking someone else to hold.

What Does It Mean to Practise Self-Love?

I love you.

I am listening.

These simple words can become a doorway back.

A way of saying:

I am here.

I see you.

You don’t have to keep shouting to get my attention.

I haven’t forgotten you.

Practising self-love does not have to mean bold gestures.

Sometimes it begins in the smallest instances: listening to what you need, honouring how you feel, resting when you are tired, speaking to yourself with compassion or just staying present with yourself when things feel difficult.

And gradually, something begins to change.

What at first felt empty begins to feel nourished.

What felt desperate begins to soften.

What felt fragmented begins to come together.

We begin to understand that loving ourselves does not mean we no longer need other people.

It means we stop demanding them to give what we continually withhold from ourselves.

Then the love we receive from others becomes an addition to our lives rather than something we desperately need to complete us.

We can love from fullness rather than fear.

Filling Our Own Cup

Perhaps this is another way of thinking about self-love.

We often hear that we cannot keep pouring from an empty cup. Yet so many of us spend years doing exactly that, giving our time, our energy, our care and our love to everyone around us, while barely noticing that we have stopped replenishing ourselves.

Loving ourselves is part of filling that cup.

It doesn’t mean we stop giving to others, quite the opposite. When we learn to nourish ourselves too, we have more of ourselves available to give, not from exhaustion, obligation or the need to be needed, but from a place of genuine fullness.

Perhaps loving ourselves isn’t taking something away from the people we love.

Perhaps it is one of the ways we learn to love them more freely.

We belong among the people deserving of the affection we so generously give.

We can receive without clinging.

We can give without continually abandoning ourselves.

And perhaps that is what wholeness really is.

Not becoming someone new.

But returning to the person who has been there all along.

A Simple Self-Love Practice: I Love You, I Am Listening

Close your eyes.

Allow your breathing to slow.

Place one hand gently over your heart and the other over your stomach.

Feel yourself here.

Not yesterday.

Not tomorrow.

Here.

Take a slow breath in.

And breathe out.

Again.

And now, quietly say:

I love you.

Breathe.

I love you.

Again.

I love you.

Notice what arises.

You do not need to change it.

You do not need to explain it.

You do not need to push anything away.

Simply allow yourself to feel.

Then whisper:

I am listening.

What does your heart want you to know?

Perhaps nothing comes immediately.

That’s okay.

Listening is not about demanding an answer.

Sometimes listening simply means staying.

So stay with yourself for another breath.

And another.

Let yourself receive the tenderness you so readily offer to others.

You are allowed to be held by your own love.

You are allowed to nourish yourself.

You are allowed to come home to yourself.

Coming Home to Your Own Heart

When life becomes noisy again, when responsibilities pull at you, when you find yourself searching outside yourself for reassurance, or when you realise you have once again placed yourself at the bottom of your own list, return here.

Hand on heart.

One breath.

Two simple sentences.

I love you.

I am listening.

And then listen.

Because beneath all the noise, your heart has been speaking to you all along.

Perhaps the journey was never about finding yourself somewhere out there.

Perhaps it has always been about remembering how to come home.

Continue Your Rediscovery

If this reflection spoke to you, you may also enjoy exploring:

Beneath the Roles. Remembering Who You Are: A reflection on reconnecting with the identity beneath our roles, responsibilities and identities. https://www.rediscoverybysandra.com/post/beneath-the-roles-remembering-who-you-are

Learning to Trust Yourself Again: A reflection on regaining trust in your own inner wisdom.https://www.rediscoverybysandra.com/post/learning-to-trust-yourself-again-in-midlife

And if you feel you have spent so much time caring for everyone else that you have lost sight of yourself, you don’t have to work it all out alone.

Book a free, no-obligation discovery call and let’s explore what rediscovery could look like for you. https://www.rediscoverybysandra.com/service-page/free-discovery-call-30-minutes?referral=service_list_widget